In 2015, the name Bakhur was on everyone's lips across the country. No wonder — the Minister of Labour and Social Protection intervened in their case. Officials intended to deny 37-year-old mother Anna Bakhur, diagnosed with congenital anomalies of the arms and legs, and her husband Anatoly, who has cerebral palsy, the right to be parents solely because they are people with disabilities. The officials simply did not know Anna — persistent, determined, confident in herself and her abilities. And she defended her right to raise her son herself! A correspondent from the 1prof.by portal visited the Bakhurs to find out how they are doing today.
The Meaning of Life Named Kostik
Hardly had I stepped over the apartment threshold when I heard from Anna: «Take our photo urgently, because the main hero has to leave for music school in five minutes — he learns to play the drums there». I hurriedly take out my camera and scan the apartment on the go, looking for a spot to shoot. Seven-year-old Kostik has solemnly settled on the sofa, taken drumsticks, and is mimicking playing his favourite musical instrument. Anna adjusts her hair for the photo; Dad Tolya hurries to sit down beside them.
A few shots are taken, and Anna, scooping up backpack and son, rushes outside where their «electric car» is waiting — a three-wheeled electric wheelchair that makes getting around both more convenient and faster for Anna. The head of the family has his own, more «cool» and modern one. By the way, the Bakhurs bought their mobility aids themselves, saving money from their modest disability pensions.
Less than five minutes pass and Anna dashes back, announcing that the two hours her son will spend at music school are ours for a conversation.
– Ask whatever interests you, – says Anna, clearly happy, her eyes shining. – You can see how we live. Since your visit seven years ago, nothing in the apartment has changed, but life has filled with meaning. And that meaning has a specific name — Kostya, our longed-for little son. Not only he — all of us together are in first grade; we do music and sports — we go to karate. There is also intellectual sport — chess. True, here we are out — neither I nor Tolya could master this game, but Kostya is already a whiz.
Anna pushed herself up and took from the table a folder of her son's certificates — there are already 10 of them, most for chess tournaments. A diploma dated spring 2022 certifies that Kostya Bakhur was the youngest participant in the Ivatsevichi district chess championship. Here are diplomas for prize places — from first to third in various chess competitions.
– Our son did well, didn't he? – mother does not hide her pride. – At seven he is very independent and can do a lot himself. For example, he mastered the internet on his own, though I was not very keen on that. And now I strictly control how long and where he is on the worldwide web. I do not want him picking up things he should not. For the same reason we enrolled him in several clubs. Luckily, he likes everything and succeeds everywhere. At karate his talent for languages showed up — he quickly picks up commands spoken in Chinese. He even said he wanted to learn that language, but there are no Chinese courses in our small town, so let him learn English.
Anna and Anatoly are glad their son is healthy and active, because seven years ago many doubted that they — as people with disabilities — could raise a boy. They doubted so much that they intended to take the child away and place him in a baby home or appoint a guardian.
«War» for Their Son
The years 2014–2015 brought Anna Bakhur both a lot of joy and a lot of worry. What happiness to learn she was pregnant! She could not imagine she could become a mother, but at the end of 2014 she suddenly discovered new life growing inside her. Tolya was glad too, but immediately worried. Understanding his and Anna's situation, he was sure it simply would not happen. And he was not wrong. Doctors more than once suggested terminating the pregnancy. Anna did not want to hear of it; her joy knew no bounds, while Tolya all that time lived as if on a volcano. And the thunderbolt struck anyway.
For a month after Kostya's birth Anna and the child stayed in the Ivatsevichi central district hospital. All that time the question was being decided of what to do with this «non-standard» family. On 5 August 2015 the medical consultation commission issued a conclusion that the Bakhurs were unable to fulfil parental duties. Formal grounds for that existed.
Anna, who herself spent childhood and youth in state-run homes, did not give up. She fervently persuaded everyone she had long learned to live independently: she looks after herself and helps her husband with household matters. Without outside help she cooks, tends garden beds, preserves vegetables, does laundry, and cleans. Moreover, she paints pictures, works on the computer, and does ceramics. Small wonder she is a laureate of the international «Philanthrop» prize awarded in Russia for outstanding achievements by people with disabilities in culture and art.
– How could they think I would not cope with raising my own child? – Bakhur still wonders today why such a slippery situation arose then, and why for so long they did not want to hear and understand her.
The scales tipped toward the mother only on 19 August, when Marianna Shchetkina, then Minister of Labour and Social Protection, came to see Anna. She took the mother's side and promised to do everything so the child would stay in the family. Two days later specialists from the capital visited the woman and the medical commission's conclusion was cancelled — the child was left with the parents.
On 1 September Anna and Kostik returned home together. To help the mother, two nannies were assigned who visited the family morning and evening. Anna was exceedingly grateful to the staff of the Ivatsevichi district territorial centre for social services, and still remembers them with deep warmth, but stated confidently she would have managed alone. It is not her first time overcoming life's hardships. Her birth mother was an alcoholic and abandoned her. Anna knows well what it is like to have not a single loved one nearby.
– I called «Mama» a worker at the Horodishche home in the Baranovichi district, Sofya Bertosh, who loved me like a daughter, – Anna Bakhur says. – We still keep warm relations. Soon Sofya Alexandrovna will turn 80 — God grant her health for many more years. Thanks to her I wanted a family where everyone loves each other. Ours is like that. That is what I fought for my son. He is the meaning of our life, our hope and joy. My husband and I cannot imagine ourselves without him.